31 weeks

Baby Girl, babycenter says you are the size of 4 navel oranges (what the heck, I think I could fit about 40 navel oranges in there!)

Hey little pumpkin,

I think that's more like it, you're about the size of a pumpkin I think?  Anyways WHOA BABY are we getting big.  I think that someone asks me if I'm having twins every. single. day.  Even the days I don't leave the house, then someone online looks at one of my photos and asks me instead.  The other night I had a dream that I delivered you naturally and you were over 13 pounds and I woke up in a panic.  Sorry chica, I don't want to worry you or start giving you body-image issues already at such a young age, just can't believe how big we're getting.  I would love you even if you were born at 20 pounds (but please don't grow that big!)  I am wondering at the rate you're going though, if maybe you'll come out to meet us early?!  My mom delivered me two weeks early, and if you come out exactly two weeks early too then you will be born ON my birthday - I can say hands down it would be the best birthday present I could ever get.

So this past week has been a lot of working at home and playing catch-up on our ministry stuff.  Which means a lot of talking about, thinking about, preparing for, and working with girls - TEENAGE girls.  A population I never thought I'd ever want to work with but somehow God keeps placing in my lap.  I can't tell you how many times my heart has been broken for so many of them in so many different ways - their stories of heartbreak and brokenness, abuse and neglect, rape and prostitution, pregnancy and loss, self-destruction and self-hate - all before the age of 18.  And then there are the ones who are still young, still innocent, and I want to put them in a bubble and hide from the big, scary world that's out there.

This past weekend, one of the girls from my church and old neighborhood who I love dearly came over to visit.  She marveled over my belly and how she can't wait to meet you, insisted on cleaning up the whole driveway so I don't have to, painted my nails, and cheered up my day... and then brings up her new boyfriend.  Her 21 year old boyfriend.  I try to cringe as my heart sinks for her.  And then she asks if she can borrow my cell phone so she can call him to pick her up on his motorcycle.  NO!! you can't use my cell phone I want to say, but instead hand it over with a tight fist repeatedly reminding her to tell him that if he hurts her, we will kill him.  And then I try my best to counsel her, without lecturing, about being really careful in these kinds of relationships, and what about one of the teenage boys from youth group instead? (none of them like her, she insists)  And I look into her big beautiful insecure brown eyes and see someone so intelligent, funny, kind, talented, bold, beautiful, and with so much potential to go move mountains, and I think of the possibilities if she were to graduate from high school, to go to college, to follow her dreams... and I hope and pray for her that she can first just set a record in her family and neighborhood by making it to 16 without getting pregnant.  Then she hugs and kisses me goodbye, goes on her way, and I sit at the dining room table and sigh to myself, trying not to worry about her.

And then it crosses my mind.... I AM GOING TO HAVE A TEENAGE DAUGHTER.  And it scares the crap out of me.  Not because I don't trust you or believe in you or know that you will have a good head on your shoulders.  But because while this world has so much good and beauty to offer, it is also a really scary place.  And unfortunately for you, I have allowed myself to see and learn about an underworld here of abuse, neglect, rape, child prostitution, child pornography, and human trafficking beyond what most almost 30 year olds ever thought could possibly exist.  So if I'm one of those moms that has a panic attack about you going to prom or your dad doesn't let you date til you're 25, please forgive us for this, and try to understand that it's cause WE LOVE YOU. 

 And here's my advice to you....

Guard your heart, baby girl.  I know there will be a million boys who will want to win it over, or even just pretend to win it over because they have less than the best intentions.  But wait for your prince charming, even if it means waiting for a really long time.  I don't think you will ever find quite the man that I found in your dad, but try to set the bar that high.  Don't swoon over the first sweet talking stud who tries to sweep you off your feet.  You have something so precious to give someone someday, but wait for true love.  Wait for "the one".  Wait for the diamond ring and the big white dress.  Wait for your prince charming.

 

And in the meantime while he's just not there yet and you're considering settling for some guy that's second best?  Don't do it.  Have the time of your life on your own instead.  Be independent and belive in yourself.  Throw yourself into what you love, find what you're passionate about, travel the world and change it for the better. 

 And... this is important...  have really good girlfriends like your momma did.  Some of my closest friends have been there through my WHOLE life, some since middle and high school, some have come along later in the game, but I have such a treasure of memories with them that could never have been replaced by dating silly teenage boys.  Stay up all night talking and making homemade movies together and laughing til you think you'll pee your pants like we did.  Go on roadtrips together, laugh til it hurts, take tons of photos, and cherish your time with them, cause someday when you're all grown up and have your own life somewhere else, they'll be the ones who are still cheering you on, still supporting you, still praying for you, and still encouraging you, and may even be writing letters to YOUR baby when it's your turn.  And they'll still love you when you leave them to go live on the other side of the world and let you pick up right where you left off when you see them again.  Those kinds of girlfriends are keepers.  So make sure that en route to finding your prince charming, to find yourself some really great girlfriends like your momma was lucky enough to find.      

Lastly, this morning during my devotionals, I read this story which made me tear up (just about anything does these days though) and I wanted to share it with you.  It is written by Max Lucado, not me, but it reminds me again of this whole "love theme" that I keep talking to you about, about the kind of love you want to strive to have, and about the kind of love God has out there for you.

"A man had been injured in a fire while attempting to save his parents from a burning house.  He couldn't get to them.  They perished.  His face was burned and disfigured.  He mistakenly interpreted his pain as God's punishment.  The man wouldn't let anyone see him - not even his wife. 

She went to Dr. Maltz, a plastic surgeon, for help.  He told the woman not to worry.  "I can restore his face". 

The wife was unenthused.  Her husband had repeatedly refused any help.  She knew he would again.

Then why her visit?  "I want you to disfigure my face so I can be like him.  If I can share the pain, then maybe he will let me back into his life." 

Dr. Maltz was shocked.  He denied her request but was so moved by this woman's love that he went to speak with her husband.  Knocking on the man's bedroom door, he called loudly, "I'm a plastic surgeon, and I want you to know that I can restore your face."

No response.

"Please come out". 

Again there was no answer.

Still speaking through the door, Dr. Maltz told the man of his wife's proposal.  "She wants me to disfigure her face, to make her face like yours in the hope that you will let her back into your life.  That's how much she loves you."

There was a brief moment of silence, and then, ever so slowly, the doorknob began to turn".

Whoa, what a love right?  Oh my gosh, it is making me cry again just writing it, I'm such a sap. 

Then Max Lucado goes on to say this:

"The way the woman felt for her husband is the way God feels about us.  But he did more than make the offer.  He took on our face, our disfigurement.  He became like us.  Just look at the places he was willing to go; feed troughs, carpentry shops, badlands, and cemeteries.  The places he went to reach us show how far he will go to touch us.  He loves to be with the ones he loves."

Okay well I think that speaks for itself, so I guess that's all I have for this week.  Oh and I think we just MIGHT announce your name next week... maybe.  Everyone really really wants to know, and to tell you the truth, I kinda knew what we would name you that first day when I found out you were pregnant.  That probably sounds crazy, but I'll explain later.  And also I picked out a new dress for your newborn pictures this week and bought you a really pretty mosquito net to put over your crib.  Can't wait to get it together and post photos. 

In the meantime, can't wait to meet you soon and think about you all the time.

Love always,

Your momma